As unique as we all are, an awful lot of us want the same things. We want to shake up our current less-than-fulfilling lives. We want to be happier, more loving, forgiving and connected with the people around us. So... we make decisions ("I'm going to hang out with happy people!"); we give ourselves lectures ("If you'd just stop feeling guilty, you'd able to do what you want); and we strive for markers of that accomplishment ("Just go to the completely intimidating party and meet one person!").

Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the last 12 years figuring out what keeps us from living -- despite our best efforts -- the kind of wholehearted, fully involved existences that we're trying to lead. It turns out that a lot of the assumptions we hold so dear and we believe will turn around everything are... well... just plain wrong.

1. Fitting In Is Not Belonging

There are so many terms we use every day whose meanings are gauzy, if not downright imprecise -- which makes it hard to get your head around what's really going on in your life. For example, contrary to what most of us think: Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely -- it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are -- love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all.

Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I'm an expert fitter-inner!) But we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking.

In my research, I've interviewed a lot of people who never fit in, who are what you might call "different": scientists, artists, thinkers. And if you drop down deep into their work and who they are, there is a tremendous amount of self-acceptance. Some of them have to scrap for it, like the rest of us, but most are like this neurophysicist I met who, essentially, told me, "My parents didn't care that I wasn't on the football team, and my parents didn't care that I was awkward and geeky. I was in a group of kids at school who translated books into the Klingon language. And my parents were like, 'Awesome!' They took me to the 'Star Trek' convention!" He got his sense of belonging from his parents' sense of belonging, and even if we don't get that from Mom and Dad, we have to create it for ourselves as adults -- or we will always feel as if we're standing outside of the big human party.

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess.

2. Guilt Is Not Bad For You

I'm just going to say it: I'm pro-guilt. Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it's about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we've done -- or failed to do -- with our personal values. The discomfort that results often motivates real change, amends and self-reflection.

I interview people of just about every faith you can imagine, and a lot of them will say, "Oh, I've got major Catholic guilt" or "I've got major Jewish guilt." And I'll say, "Tell me about it." And they'll say, "Well, if I don't show up for Shabbat every Friday, I'm a bad son. My brother always goes."

Clinically speaking, that's not guilt. That's shame, and one of the worst things about shame is that we often don't know when we're feeling it. When I'm interviewing subjects, I hear, "I'm worthless. I'm a piece of crap. I don't blame my parents for hating me -- who wouldn't?" And this is shame. We may not know how to name it. But we know how to feel it -- and it is a totally separate emotion from guilt.

A clear way to see the difference is to think about this question: If you made a mistake that really hurt someone's feelings, would you be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake"? If you're experiencing guilt, the answer is yes: "I made a mistake." Shame, on the other hand, is "I'm sorry. I am a mistake." Shame doesn't just sound different than guilt; it feels different. Once we understand this distinction, guilt can even make us feel more positively about ourselves, because it points to the gap between what we did and who we are -- and, thankfully, we can change what we do.

3. Perfectionism Is Not About Striving For Excellence

For some of us (including me), what I'm about to say is horrifying: Perfectionism is not about achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.

Most perfectionists (also including me) grew up being praised for achievement and performance in our grades, manners and appearance. Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. A ticker tape began to stream through our heads: Please. Perform. Perfect.

Healthy striving, meanwhile, focuses on you. It occurs when you ask yourself, "How can I improve?" Perfectionism keeps the focus on others. It occurs when you ask, "What will they think?" Research, unfortunately, shows that perfectionism hampers success and often leads to depression, anxiety, addiction and missed opportunities, due to fears of putting anything out in the world that could be imperfect or disappoint others. It's a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. Another way to think about it? Consider Leonard Cohen's song "Anthem," which says, "There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

4. Vulnerability Is An Act Of Courage

There are a few myths about vulnerability that I think keep us from being wholehearted people who can fully give and receive love. The first is that vulnerability is weakness. The second is that it's optional.

First of all, vulnerability is not weakness. It's probably the most accurate measure of our individual courage. When I ask research subjects to give me an example of being in situations where they feel vulnerable, they say, "Taking responsibility for something that went wrong at work" or "Telling my boyfriend that I love him" or "Calling my friend whose child just died" or "Sending my kid to school knowing she is struggling but knowing she has to figure it out" or "Meeting with the hospice person who is going to be taking care of my mother."

Sometimes I hear people say "I don't do vulnerability." But you do it, everyday. We all do it. We all have those moments. The only choice you have is how you handle those feelings of being terrifyingly, painfully exposed. Maybe you turn them into rage; maybe you turn them into disconnection; maybe you numb them; maybe you turn them into perfectionism (which, by the way, is what I do with them). But you do something with them.

The key to transforming them into courage instead is learning how recognize them, feel them and ultimately make the choice to simply be there, with that horrible tangle of uncertainty and risk. When you know what you're feeling and why, you can slow down, breathe, pray, ask for support -- and make choices that reflect who you are and what you believe.

This article was published originally on The Huffington Post.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of #1 New York Times Bestseller Daring Greatly. She is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection (2010) and I Thought It Was Just Me (But it Isn't) (2007). Brené Brown's 2010 TEDx Houston talk on the power of vulnerability is one of the most watched talks on TED.com, with over 9 million views.

 

It's interesting at the beginning of a new year to look back at what articles resonated most with our readers. With 14 speakers on our roster, we've covered quite a variety of subjects. The most popular articles covered such topics as positive psychology, customer service, branding, authentic leadership, adaptability, and franchising. We hope that you find our speakers' posts helpful, enlightening and inspiring.

Here are the ten most read articles on blog.speakersoffice.com/ in 2012:

1) 3 Ways Positive Intelligence Leads to Success - by Shawn Achor
Best-Selling author Shawn Achor shares his research on the "happiness advantage" and how it can boost your personal and professional success.

2) 5 Questions to Ensure Happy Customers - by Dr. Nido Qubein
International speaker and businessman Dr. Nido Qubein suggests 5 questions every organization should ask themselves to ensure happy customers.

3) The First 9 Seconds - by Sally Hogshead
We have been reduced to a 9-second attention span, says Sally Hogshead, which is why the most fascinating messages always triumph. Always.

4) 3 Ways to Strategically Leverage your Book & Platform - by Peter Winick
Guest blogger and thought leader, Peter Winick offers strategies for speakers and authors to leverage their book and platform.

5) Brené Brown: On Leadership, Love and Vulnerability
Dr. Brené Brown says, "As a vulnerability researcher, I’ve noticed a pattern in my conversations and interviews with leaders and entrepreneurs."

6) Lisa Ford's 12 Fundamentals of Exceptional Customer Service
According to Lisa Ford, there are 12 fundamentals of customer service every organization should follow.

7) Grow Your Franchise: An Unconventional Approach - by Desi Williamson
Desi Williamson’s successful Dickey's BBQ franchise is proof opportunities still exist. In this article, he explains his unconventional approach.

8) Howard Putnam: What Makes Southwest Airlines Different?
Howard Putnam, former CEO of Southwest Airlines recently chatted with Brian Lord of Premiere Speakers, about what makes a company like Southwest Airlines consistently great.

9) Are you Adaptable? by Dr. Tony Alessandra
Tony Alessandra says, being willing and able to adapt your behavior increases your ability to communicate and build relationships with other people.

10) New Book! Daring Greatly - by Dr. Brené Brown
Dr. Brené Brown recently announced the title of her new book, Daring Greatly which came out September 2012 and quickly became a New York Times' Best Seller.

Were there other articles that you enjoyed? If so, please let us know in the comments below.

After spending the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness, I’ve come to believe that leadership has nothing to do with position, salary, or number of direct reports. I believe a leader is anyone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in people and processes.

Contrary to how we traditionally think about organizations, leaders are developing strategies and shaping culture across all levels. And, contrary to the myth of the "all-knowing-all-powerful" leader, inspired leadership requires vulnerability: Do we have the courage to show up, be seen, take risks, ask for help, own our mistakes, learn from failure, lean into joy, and can we support the people around us in doing the same?

In our culture, vulnerability has become synonymous with weakness. We associate vulnerability with emotions like fear, shame, and scarcity; emotions that we don’t want to discuss, even when they profoundly affect the way we live, love, parent, and lead.

"Across the private and public sector, in schools and in our communities, we are hungry for authentic leadership – we want to show up, we want to learn, and we want to inspire and be inspired. We are hardwired for connection, curiosity, and engagement."

To reduce our feelings of vulnerability, we wake up every morning, put on our armor, and rarely take it off – especially in our work lives. We use invulnerability as a shield to protect us from discomfort, anxiety, and self-doubt.

The invulnerability shield takes on many shapes and forms. Some of us protect ourselves with perfecting, pretending, and pleasing. We convince ourselves that making everything "just right" or keeping everyone around us happy will minimize our risk of feeling blamed, judged, or criticized. Even though perfecting is exhausting, suffocates innovation, and ultimately leads to resentment and blame, we keep thinking, "Maybe this isn’t working because I’m not perfect enough. I’ll just work harder to be a little more perfect."

Invulnerability can also take the form of disengagement. We protect ourselves by never quite being "all in." We never get too excited or too invested or too hopeful. We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The motto becomes, "It’s easier to live disappointed than it is to feel disappointed."

Not only does the invulnerability armor fail to protect us from experiencing hurt, never taking it off means never letting ourselves be seen. Invulnerability means self-protection over self-expression, fear over courage, blame over accountability, and safety over innovation.

Why is being vulnerable worth the risk?

Because vulnerability is indeed at the core of difficult emotions, but it is also the birthplace of love and belonging, joy, creativity and innovation, adaptability to change and accountability – the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.

I know it’s hard to believe, especially when we’ve spent our entire lives thinking that vulnerability is weakness, but it’s true. Vulnerability is simply uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Vulnerability is a part of all emotions – light and dark.

Leadership is all about relationships and to be in relationship (with anyone) is to be vulnerable. Every single day, leaders are called to navigate uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure – the only choice is to do it consciously or unconsciously; to lean into the vulnerability or to push it away.

Across the private and public sector, in schools and in our communities, we are hungry for authentic leadership – we want to show up, we want to learn, and we want to inspire and be inspired. We are hardwired for connection, curiosity, and engagement.

When leaders choose self-protection over transparency, when money and metrics are more valued than relationships and values, and when our self-worth is attached to what we produce, learning and work becomes dehumanized. People disengage and turn away from the very things that the world needs: their talent, their ideas, and their passion.

The equation is simple: Invulnerability in leadership breeds disengagement in culture.

Re-humanizing work and education requires courageous leadership. It requires leaders who are willing to take risks, embrace vulnerabilities, and show up as imperfect, real people.

That’s what truly, deeply inspires us.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of Daring Greatly, which debuted at number two on The New York Times Best Sellers. She is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

Proposing ideas makes people feel vulnerable--so it's in innovation's interest to create a culture that's secure.

In 2010 I had the opportunity to spend a long weekend with fifty CEOs from Silicon Valley. One of the other speakers at the retreat was Kevin Surace, the then CEO of Serious Materials, and Inc. magazine's 2009 Entrepreneur of the Year. I knew Kevin was going to speak about disruptive innovation so in my first conversation with him, before either one of us had spoken to the group and before he knew about my work, I asked him this question: What's the most significant barrier to creativity and innovation?

Kevin thought about it for a minute and said, "I don't know if it has a name, but honestly, it's the fear of introducing an idea and being ridiculed, laughed at, and belittled. If you're willing to subject yourself to that experience, and if you survive it, then it becomes the fear of failure and the fear of being wrong. People believe they're only as good as their ideas and that their ideas can't seem too ‘out there' and they can't ‘not know' everything. The problem is that innovative ideas often sound crazy and failure and learning are part of revolution. Evolution and incremental change is important and we need it, but we're desperate for real revolution and that requires a different type of courage and creativity."

To reignite creativity, innovation, and learning, leaders must rehumanize work. This means understanding how scarcity--a feeling of never having enough--is affecting the way we lead and work, learning how to engage with vulnerability, and recognizing and combating shame.

Make no mistake: Rehumanizing work requires courage. Honest conversations about vulnerability and shame are disruptive. The reason that we're not having these conversations in our organizations is that they shine light in the dark corners. Once there is language, awareness, and understanding, turning back is almost impossible.

Recognizing and Combating Shame

Shame--the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging--breeds fear. It crushes our tolerance for vulnerability, thereby killing engagement, innovation, creativity, productivity, and trust. And worst of all, if we don't know what we're looking for, shame can ravage our organizations before we see one outward sign of a problem.

A stroll through an office or a school won't necessarily reveal a shame problem. Or at least we hope it's not that obvious. If it is--if we see a manager berating an employee or a teacher shaming a student--the problem is already acute and more than likely has been happening for a long time. In most cases, though, we have to know what we're looking for when we assess an organization for signs that shame may be an issue.

Blaming, gossiping, favoritism, name-calling, and harassment are all behavior cues that shame has permeated a culture. A more obvious sign is when shame becomes an outright management tool. Is there evidence of people in leadership roles bullying others, criticizing subordinates in front of colleagues, delivering public reprimands, or setting up reward systems that intentionally belittle, shame, or humiliate people?

A Bully In The Office

The Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) defines bullying as "Repeated mistreatment: sabotage by others that prevented work from getting done, verbal abuse, threatening conduct, intimidation, and humiliation." A 2010 poll conducted by Zogby International for WBI reported that an estimated 54 million American workers (37 percent of the US workforce) have been bullied at work. Furthermore, another WBI report revealed that 52.5 percent of the time, bullied workers reported that employers basically did nothing to stop the bullying.

When we see shame being used as a management tool (again, that means bullying, criticism in front of colleagues, public reprimands, or reward systems that intentionally belittle people), we need to take direct action because it means that we've got an infestation on our hands. And we need to remember that this doesn't just happen overnight. Equally important to keep in mind is that shame is like the other "sh" word. Like shit, shame rolls downhill. If employees are constantly having to navigate shame, you can bet that they're passing it on to their customers, students, and families.

Shame can only rise so far in any system before people disengage to protect themselves. When we're disengaged, we don't show up, we don't contribute, and we stop caring. On the far end of the spectrum, disengagement allows people to rationalize all kinds of unethical behavior including lying, stealing, and cheating.

The Blame Game

Here's the best way to think about the relationship between shame and blame: If blame is driving, shame is riding shotgun. In organizations, schools, and families, blaming and finger- pointing are often symptoms of shame. Shame researchers June Tangney and Ronda Dearing explain that in shame-bound relationships, people "measure carefully, weigh, and assign blame." They write, "In the face of any negative outcome, large or small, someone or something must be found responsible (and held accountable). There's no notion of ‘water under the bridge.' " They go on to say, "After all, if someone must be to blame and it's not me, it must be you! From blame comes shame. And then hurt, denial, anger, and retaliation."

Blame is simply the discharging of pain and discomfort. We blame when we're uncomfortable and experience pain—When we're vulnerable, angry, hurt, in shame, grieving. There's nothing productive about blame, and it often involves shaming someone or just being mean. If blame is a pattern in your culture, then shame needs to be addressed as an issue.

Toward A Rehumanized Culture

When the culture of an organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of individuals or communities, you can be certain that shame is systemic, money drives ethics, and accountability is dead.

In an organizational culture where respect and the dignity of individuals are held as the highest values, shame and blame don't work as management styles. There is no leading by fear. Empathy is a valued asset, accountability is an expectation rather than an exception, and the primal human need for belonging is not used as leverage and social control. We can't control the behavior of individuals; however, we can cultivate organizational cultures where behaviors are not tolerated and people are held accountable for protecting what matters most: human beings.

We won't solve the complex issues that we're facing today without creativity, innovation, and engaged learning. We can't afford to let our discomfort with the topic of shame get
in the way of recognizing and combating it.

The three best strategies for building shame-resilient organizations are:

1. Supporting leaders who are willing to dare greatly and facilitate honest conversations about shame and cultivate shame-resilient cultures.
2. Facilitating a conscientious effort to see where shame might be functioning in the organization and how it might even be creeping into the way we engage with our co- workers and students.
3. Normalizing is a critical shame-resilience strategy. Leaders and managers can cultivate engagement by helping people know what to expect.

What are common struggles? How have other people dealt with them? What have your experiences been? Tell us about it in the comments below.

This article originally published on FastCompany.com; excerpted from Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Published by Gotham Books. Copyright (c) Brené Brown, 2012.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of Daring Greatly, which debuted at number two on The New York Times Best Sellers. She is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

I'm so excited to share it with you!

The phrase Daring Greatly is from Theodore Roosevelt's speech, Citizenship in a Republic. This is the passage that made the speech famous:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . ."

The first time I read this quote, I thought, "This is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson. Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in."

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement.

Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.

Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be – a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation – with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.

The book explores and answers the following questions:

1. What drives our fear of being vulnerable?

2. How are we protecting ourselves from vulnerability

3. What price are we paying when we shut down and disengage?

4. How do we own and engage with vulnerability so we can start transforming the way we live, love, parent, and lead?

As my friends and family (and editor) can tell you, it's been a very tough book process for me. I've spent the past few months bouncing back and forth between fear and courage.

For years, I drew courage from the question, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" I even own the paperweight. When I was getting ready to speak at TED this year, I pushed that question out of my head to make room for a new question: "What’s worth doing even if you fail?"

That question also drove this book which probably explains the fear and courage dance! It's the book that was worth writing - the no-holds-barred book.

It releases on 9.13.12. You can pre-order it now from Amazon.com | Barnes&Noble.com | Books-a-Million | Indie Bound and iTunes. Many retailers have it at a discounted pre-order price.

Stay tuned for more info on an online read-along and book plates! Thank y'all so much for your support and for Daring Greatly with me!

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

As a vulnerability researcher, I’ve noticed a pattern in my conversations and interviews with leaders and entrepreneurs. Within a very short period of time, our discussions become deeply personal and there’s an evolution that moves from This is how I lead to This is who I am to These are the people I love.

We often start by discussing issues like transparency in high-performance cultures, but invariably we land on issues like authenticity and values in leadership. These topics give way to deeper explorations of what it means to let ourselves be seen and to cultivate meaningful connection with the people in our lives – especially our families.

As someone who is intimately familiar with overachieving, I recognize the angst behind the questions I hear from men and women who have accomplished so much professionally but struggle to stay connected personally. Questions ranging from "Why am I so engaged at work, yet I feel increasingly disconnected from my wife and children?" to "How do I turn off the self-critical instincts that serve me as a leader? I don’t want to be that kind of mother."

Many of us have spent the majority of our adult lives in jobs that train us to outrun and outsmart the experience that underpins love and connection – vulnerability. We wake up in the morning, put on our armor, and march into the office thinking, "I will protect myself. I will not let you see my self-doubt or my fear. I will put on my ‘boss’ face."

We manage a slew of employees and relationships, act serious in business meetings, send Blackberry messages from bed at 3 a.m. We perform, perfect and prove ourselves all day long. In fact, I often call perfectionism the 20-ton shield. We lug it around thinking that as long as we look, live, act and work as though we’re perfect, we’re protected from criticism and blame.

This emotional armor we bring to work is heavy, and the weaponry takes a long time to assemble, so when we get home in the evenings, we don’t put it away. It’s too much trouble and, frankly, it’s too risky. Home can also be a place where performing and perfecting are expected. With everyone’s vulnerability shielded, our families are together, but we really don’t see one another.

We start to manage situations and micromanage the people around us, not just at work but in the rest of our lives as well. We make what is uncertain certain, no matter what the cost. We basically stay so busy that the truth of our lives can never catch up. We look confident on the outside and feel scared on the inside.

One of the most commonly held and dangerous myths about vulnerability is that being vulnerable means being weak. Yet vulnerability is simply the uncertainty, exposure and emotional risk we face every day, from asking for help at home to asking for help at work. The problem is that most of us have lost our tolerance for it. But when we push vulnerability away at work, we tend to unknowingly push it away at home as well—and end up pushing away all of the experiences that bring meaning to our lives.

Vulnerability is indeed the center of difficult experiences like fear, disappointment and shame, but it is also the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, creativity, innovation, authenticity and engagement.

It is not weakness, and the uncertainty we face every day is not optional, whether with our families or with our careers. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage, the clarity of our purpose and the fullness of our life. As Madeleine L’Engle writes, "When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability . . . To be alive is to be vulnerable."

This article was originally published on The Washington Post.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

The Huffington Post and TED are counting down "18 of 2011's most impactful talks" and combining them with new blog posts written by the people who delivered them. I was so honored and overwhelmed when I found out that my TEDxHouston talk was chosen for the countdown.

In my essay I describe 2010 as the year of the talk and 2011 as the year of "walking the talk." Having a video on vulnerability go viral made this year the most vulnerable year of my life. Ironic, I know.

 

From the essay:

"This past year has been an experience that I can only describe as equal parts terrifying and exciting. There's been unbelievable support, long overdue debate and discourse about these silenced topics, and -- the thing that makes me the most excited -- the development of new communities committed to cultivating more conversations about the emotional landscape of our lives. For better and for worse, there have also been some tough lessons on finding balance, asking for help, and seeking out constructive, respectful debate and feedback without letting in too much of the downright mean-spiritedness that’s rampant in our culture."

I want all of you to know that our community has been a constant source of support for me. I'm so grateful for what we've created.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

Dr. Brené Brown recently teamed up with Paper Coterie to create an inspirational video for their customers.
In it, she discusses that humans are hard-wired for connection, how our "culture of scarcity" impacts us, and explains that vulnerability – often associated with weakness – can actually lead to more connection, joy, and whole-hearted living.

Watch Dr. Brené Brown’s video, Connection, Belonging and Being Enough

 

                                                        

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

 

Before my research on wholeheartedness (and before the 2007 breakdown spiritual awakening), I was completely disconnected from my creativity. My disconnection took the form of judgment, resentment, and fear:

"A-R-T - how nice. I have a J-O-B - I'm doing real work."

"I'm not the creative type."

"Spending time creating is self-indulgent."

Behind all of these emotions was disconnection. I had the creativity scars that many of us have; the ones that come from not being able to draw a still life in middle school and being told that I better stick with writing and reading.

Today, I'm reconnected with my creativity and it's transforming every part of my life. Creativity brings me joy, helps me stay more grateful, calms me down, and inspires me. It helps me keep my perfectionism in check and has become a powerful way to connect with my family.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, I summarize what I learned from the world of Wholehearted living and loving:

1. “I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.

2. The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.

3. If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing—it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.

I'm so grateful for what I've learned and for all of you who are creating and sharing your work with the world.

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Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and a unique speaker whose reputation is built on her ability to explore vulnerable topics with tremendous honesty, warmth, and humor. She is a leading expert on Authenticity, Vulnerability and Courage; and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are.

You can read more articles by Brené in her blog, Ordinary Courage.

 

My hour-long show, The Gifts of Imperfection, has started airing this month. Below is a list of upcoming cities and dates. Please check your local public television station for exact air times.

Most of the PBS stations have websites that list the dates and times for their pledge programming. We are still adding cities to the list, so if you don't see your local PBS station, I would check their programming schedule or call the station.

If you enjoyed The Gifts of Imperfection or I Thought It Was Just Me or the TEDx talks I think you'll love the show. I cover my research on perfectionism, shame resilience for women and men, authenticity, and wholeheartedness.

This is my first real TV experience and it was pretty scary. I did it for two reasons: I'm passionate about my work and I'm passionate about public television. It's the first time it's airing nationally so many stations are "testing it." Some of the times might require setting your DVR! I'll be live in the studio for the 3/7 airing in Houston, and the 3/22 airing in Seattle!

I've learned that Wholehearted Living is a collection of choices. For our family, one of those choices is PBS. We were proud members before this program and we will continue to support public television. I'm so grateful to be able to turn on Sesame Street or Dinosaur Train and know that Charlie is having fun and learning. Steve and I love NOVA, Masterpiece Theater, and the news programs. Of course, our favorite is Austin City Limits!

I hope you enjoy the show and I invite you to call in and pledge your support for public television! The pledge packages include some items that are exclusive to PBS, including a DVD on shame resilience and downloads for the books.

If you check with your local station and they're airing the program but they're not on the list, let me know! The station list isn't in any particular order!

KLRU Austin, TX 3/19 and 3/20

WTTW Chicago, IL 3/11

KUHT Houston, TX 3/7 - 3/17

WTVS Detroit, MI  3/8

WUSF Tampa, FL  3/14

KAET Phoenix, AZ 3/10, 3/16, 3/22, 3/26, 3/29

KCTS Seattle, WA 3/10, 3/22, 3/26, 3/29 (I'll be live in the studio on 3/22)

KBTC and KCKA Tacoma, WA 3/8 and 3/10

KTCA/KTCI Twin Cities TV 3/9, 3/15

WMVT/WMVS Rocky Mountain PBS, Denver, CO 3/10

WMFE Orlando, FL 3/11

KOCE Los Angeles, CA 3/8

KVIE Sacramento, CA 3/7 and 3/8

WTIU Bloomington, IN 3/13

KCPT Kansas City, KS 3/12 and 3/13

MPTV Milwaukee, WI 3/12

WGVU/WGVC Grand Rapids, MI 3/12 and 3/12

WITF Harrisburg, PA 3/19 and 3/20

KENW Portales, NM 3/13

KETS Little Rock, AR 3/13 and 3/15

WPTD Dayton, OH 3/16

WGCU Fort Meyers, FL 3/12

WCMU Mt. Pleasant, MI 3/11 and 3/18

KPTS Wichita, KS  3/12, 3/14, 3/20

WPT Wisconsin Public Televsion 3/12, 3/13, 3/19, 3/20

KUAT/KUAS Tuscon, AZ 3/7, 3/13

KOZK Springfield, MO 3/16

KHET Honolulu, HI 3/12

WILL Ubrana, IL 3/11

KCOS El Paso, TX 3/10

WTVP Peoria, IL 3/8, 3/9

KUSM Bozeman, MT 3/12

KEET Eureka, CA 3/7

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Brené Brown is a professor and vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, focusing her studies on a broad range of topics including shame, courage, compassion, stress management, and authenticity. Brené's work has been featured on NPR, PBS, Oprah and Friends Radio Network and she has given two TEDx talks on her vulnerability research.